Saturday, 14 May 2011

Eurovision Semi Final 1

This is a post I wrote when Blogger wasn't working. So I'm posting it now, after copying it from Word. Europeans would have seen this on Wednesday but Australia shows them a day later, so I'll know the final result before actually seeing the final, which I probably only will when I get my hands on the UK version because I prefer Graham Norton's commentary.

So without further ado I present to you my thoughts of the first semi final taken as I thought them up on the spot:

Poland are somewhat ok. It does make me regret not having any alcohol but I don’t really have the time this weekend to have a hangover.

Norway song sounded like a crappy version of that Lady Gaga song that rips off that Madonna song. Only with more Swahili.

I seem to have missed Albania. It says a lot about how good the song was.

Armenia’s song is ok. Very mainstream pop. I see that the singer happens to have dressed to emphasise certain err... traits that

Turkey. My back is to the TV and still it sounds like Green Day on anti-depressants. Now I turn around and I see a contortionist in a cage. That’s something that I expect the Ukraine to do. I already knew that they wouldn’t make it into the next round and I see why. I started ignoring them so I’ve missed the big bird that Sam and Julia were talking about afterwards.

On to the commercials. So this is the first break. I’m going to get sick of seeing the same commercials over and over again. I will see the Schwartzkopf ad over and over again. I probably will watch the show where they send Australians to countries like Iraq so they can see what the asylum seekers are leaving.

Serbia have managed to create the ultimate snark-proof song. There is pretty much nothing that you can say that demeans this song. It’s quite good for Eurovision but most of the last 5 songs are crap. The colours probably aren’t good if you’re epileptic.

Russia. I hate this song already. I don’t know how it managed to get through.

Switzerland. Nice way for the Germans to show that their neighbour has 4 official languages. I have no idea what this song is about. I heard the start of a better, more popular song, and then I just started listening to the tune. The background was brought to you by Paper Mario.

Georgia. One more day? For what? Making a good song? Not a horrid song, but here comes the rapping guy. Like that’s going to win.

Finland. Our Aussie commentators are referring to Lordi. How Lordi will this be? Not very so far. I think this guy was supposed to be entered last year, when everyone else was doing songs like this.

Malta. I think they managed to pick up Greece’s song for this year on the cheap.

San Marino. Another ballad that I already know doesn’t get through. I don’t care so I’ve stopped listening. That’s probably why it didn’t get through.

Croatia. The guy has a stupid hat. Sam Pang said that it would get people playing drinking games really drunk. So let’s see. Costume change, I think that was a wave to a camera, costume change, I think I’ve missed the half-octave key change too.

Iceland. It’s an entry for a country that has no money. It might work in a song contest that isn’t Eurovision, or a bluegrass competition, or a jazz competition, or a country competition or probably any music competition at all.

More commercials. Did they just dub over the sexy girl in the Schwartzkopf ad? Oh well they’ve got a few different ads so I’m not going to go crazy like I did during the World Cup with that QANTAS ad with the Enya song.

They’re interviewing people. What is the Russian guy bad at? Singing? It’s singing right? Right?

Hungary. She’s like a bad transvestite. Now if this was the Romanian entry I could probably have made some Rocky Horror references. I have no idea what the song was though.

Portugal. It’s last year’s song because it’s very colourful except that it’s crappy even by Eurovision standards. It probably belongs in a children’s show, but would you let your kids watch a show with a guy who looks like a 70’s porn star? I think that this group was probably the only band that Portugal could afford.

Lithuania. I don’t mind this song. It’s something that you’d hear in a musical. However I don’t think the song alone will be the reason that she gets through.

Azerbaijan. They tried very hard last year. This year I don’t think they did.

Greece. I went into this song expecting crap and got something that wasn’t as crap as I expected. It doesn’t mean that it’s a good song though.

Oh, they’re playing the big 5. Spain are ok it seems. France is very operatic. Italy have some kind of Michael Buble guy who can’t sing in English. UK = boyband. Germany has Lena again, only not as fun and quirky.

Ooh, Jan Ola Sand I don’t really care, especially I’m going to see him tomorrow and on Sunday when they finally play the final over here.

Serbia. Not surprised. Lithuania. Not surprised. Greece. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Azerbaijan. Not surprised. Georgia. Not surprised. Switzerland? Really? But I’m sure that they just nicked some other song. Hungary. Eh, I think this is the start of the “not quite as crap as the other crap songs. Finland. Bugger. Russia. I’m sure there were less crap songs then this one. Padding for 10. And it’s... Iceland. But they’re pretty bad, but then again if Russia could get in then I guess there is nothing stopping Iceland.

I must say that Julia and Sam are getting better at this. I must find somewhere where I can watch their finals performance in it's entirety.

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